It’s midday in Spain and we’re laughing hysterically. Nothing funny has happened but for us it’s not midday – it’s, umm, well we’re not sure what time it is for us. We’ve just flown from Chile to Columbia, then after a 7 hour stopover in the airport, from Columbia to Madrid. We’re on our way home after 6 months of travelling and jet lag has gotten the better of us. We’ve a 7 hour stopover in Madrid too, but unlike in Columbia, we’re allowed out of the airport to paint the town red… or fall asleep on it.
We’d planned out where to go and what to see in between the various rom coms and blockbuster action films on the plane… We wanted to see EVERYTHING Madrid has to offer. We’d managed to get hold of one of those tourist maps that have pictures of the biggest buildings in the city drawn on and we wanted to see as many of those pictures in real life as possible. No. We wanted to see them all!
And it was going to be great because when you’re this tired everything’s impressive!
And it was going to be annoying because when you’re this tired everything is annoying…
And it was going to be funny because when you’re this tired everything is funny…
And it was going to be repetitive because when you’re this tired everything, food, sit eyes, closed, yes.
We managed to avoid being hit by a loud and abusive drunk Englishman on the way into the Metro (not just a bit annoying as it should have been, but a tired level of annoying) and were heading to something I can only assume is considered the most wonderful of all Madrid monuments – a statue of a bear. And it was magnificent! Small, but magnificent. Or maybe it was slightly disappointing. I can’t remember. I think it was great. Everything is impressive!
We were strapped for time, but we managed to fit in a glass house (which was much more impressive than your regular greenhouse), some fancy gardens, phallically trimmed bushes, 2 more statues and some decorative water features before our sightseeing tour was up. And we still had 1 and a half hours before we had to be back at the airport for our Easyjet to England – just enough time for food, and we love Spanish food! We love everything! Or maybe we’re just tired… I didn’t like the drunk man in the Metro much… everything’s annoying.
And this is why now we’re laughing hysterically. We’ve found a restaurant serving traditional Spanish food. Our tired and drained selves have been looking forward to paella and dried meats, but we’ve been served with soggy crap and miscellaneous unchewable gristle. It’s not just because we’re tired, this is honestly the worst food we’ve ever eaten… And to put that into context, over the last 6 months we’ve eaten spiders, cockroaches, guinea pigs, beef heart, clay, whitchedygrubs and sticks.
And for some reason this is hilarious to us right now. It’s not hilarious, I realise that. And it’s going to make for a terrible blog. But that’s what’s happening. There’s loads of Madrid we’d still like to see, but instead we’ve decided to come here to look at (not eat) the worst food ever. And to make matters worse the waiter is really friendly – he’s been helping us with our Spanish! How can we just leave it all? He seems so proud of his food! It’s going to be upsetting to see him upset, and, well, you probably can’t tell because we’re hiding it well, but our emotions are everywhere right now.
We’ve got to get back on a plane soon and I can’t say that we’ve seen all of Madrid, in fact I’d say we’ve only seen a small bit of it, but other than these plates of crap in front of us, we’ve liked what we’ve seen. And it’s a place we probably would never have seen if it wasn’t for the expensive direct planes from anywhere in South America to England.
It’s been a great day and we’re leaving our last day of travelling feeling happy… because when you’re this tired, and it’s because of 6 months of travelling, meeting different people, seeing different things, experiencing new cultures and eating exciting meals (yes, even including this crap in front of me), everything is happy.